Where do I begin? This past weekend reminded me how much I have to be grateful for. And what a perfect time of year to be reminded of that thankfulness and gratefulness. I posted a little video of the joy that our little cabin brings to my family when we go up to visit. It’s been awhile since I was able to go up there and stay for the weekend with how sick I’ve been. The reality of it is that planning for a vacation or getaway is almost too much for me to handle physically and mentally. Truth... I go back and forth with canceling any trip for myself because I know it’s going to take so much physical exertion to get ready for it. My body just doesn’t allow me to do the small things a normal body can do like pack for a trip for yourself let alone your whole family to go somewhere.
I had all my boys pack their own bags. I just told them what they needed. I couldn’t even check their bags because I was feeling so bad at the time of packing. So I just hoped for the best!🙏We did pretty well considering.. let’s see Luke brought a long sleeve hooded shirt as his sweatshirt that was not warm enough that I asked him to pack, and forgot his toothbrush, Owen doesn’t have any jeans that fit him so he brought Cotton only pants that got soaked and had to be placed by the fire multiple times during the day to dry😆 I forgot a brush so my hair and Reed’s hair was pretty tangly all weekend(thank God for beanies) and we brought Zero snow gear like boots and gloves. Thankfully we could by some gloves in town for them. Frozen Digorno pizza for dinner and some snacks that dad had brought for during the day. Breakfast and lunch in town. Planning for meals and even preparing is just not in the cards for my body anymore. But we survived! And all that energy I had used to get us there and anxiety I went through was totally worth it. The reality that you don’t see in the pics and video is I was pretty much couch ridden the whole weekend by the fire because of the pain and how sick I was feeling. My kids know the routine though for me. I push myself when I can for the things that I don’t want to miss like their joy and laughter and I document(video and pictures galore!) so I don’t miss it.
This disease has brought so much darkness and so much suffering for our family. But in that I was able to see the light and good through it and it was a perfect opportunity to use this as a teaching moment for my oldest son Owen who is 10. Let me go back a little bit and explain.
During this past year Dan and I have had a hard time finding any good or any joy in anything. My illness just took over all of it. Owen had an amazing baseball season last year and we felt we needed more for him competitively speaking, but we didn’t know where to go. He had tried out for the select team for placentia pony the year prior and as we felt he was definitely skill wise prepared for a jump like that, we deep down knew emotionally he wasn’t, but it still stung when he didn’t make the team. So he went on to play rec and got to be on the same team as his little brother Luke and went on to win the championship with his team! It was so awesome. He had a great growing year. He made the all star team and was playing with older kids. He hadn’t even turned 10 yet and was playing with 10 and 11 year olds during all stars. He mastered the mound and even though he still struggled with his anxiety, confidence and emotions, towards the end of that season he grew and he blew us away with how far he has come!
After the summer all star season ended we knew that we had to find a team that would challenge him but it wasn’t going to be easy because we knew our kiddo was different. As much as he is such a talented baseball player, he came with high emotions and anxiety which at times can be his biggest challenge. We knew we needed a team and a coach that would be ready to take on his big emotions along with his talent. During the summer we usually sign the boys up for FCA (fellowship of Christian athletes) baseball camp. We’ve been doing this camp since Owen and Luke were 5 and 4 years old. But this year we weren’t sure if we could afford it especially now that we had all 3 boys playing and the medical expenses I’ve been having. So we made the decision not to do it. Until my sister in law contacted me and asked if we wanted to do it with her boys, their cousins. They have never done it before and wanted to go to camp with their cousins! We decided we couldn’t pass up that opportunity for them to experience it and signed them up. And thank God we did! Luke got to do camp with his cousins Cody and Caden and they had the best time! I waited for the Esperanza camp to happen for Owen because he was still in All Stars. Well this is where God intervenes and reminds me that he is writing my story and is in control and not me.
Owen and Reed went to the last camp of FCA at Esperanza. I love to stick around during camp and watch the boys do what they do best and learn about God and the Bible and baseball. Plus being there gets me out of bed and out of the house and keeps my mind off of feeling so sick. As I walk back and forth from both kids, I was approached about Owen. Ben from FCA has seen Owen and had asked me what we were planning on doing with him come spring. I couldn’t believe it. We got to talking and that door that we have been waiting for to open for us was open with a bright light shining in it! Could this be what we have been praying for? A couple months went by, and we didn’t want to get our hopes up but kept our faith in God that of it was meant to be it would be. Sure enough Owen was offered a spot on this new travel ball team and not only was it a travel team, it was also a team where his coaches want to build good ball players but most importantly good humans who love others and love Jesus. God is good.
Not only did Owen make a great team, our little Lukey boy who we sometimes compare too often with Owen because they are so close in age but forget that he is much younger in baseball years, made the select team for Orange Olive Pony! We weren’t really expecting to have him try out but we thought let’s give it a try, he is also so very talented just in a tiny body! He was offered a spot right after the second tryout he was invited back for. Dan and I just laughed and were in awe with what we are going to be facing this spring! We love watching our boys play baseball. But we also know I am not in the best of health and that it’s going to be a lot for us. But since when did that ever stop us from giving the best to our boys. They deserve it and I will survive. I will struggle... but I will survive.
So as I try to end this long blog post, where I at first thought I have nothing to write about... ya right, to tell you that through dark times and darkness there is light. Where you feel lost and hopeless, thinking this will never end, there is hope. When you feel like God is lost and he forgot about you, He shows up in BIG ways to tell you He is right here. Keep fighting, keep searching. God is leading you where you need to be, and it’s always going to be exactly where you need to be for your good and for the good of His glory! As I lay here in bed with Owen, I was able to have a talk with him about this journey we’ve been on and how hard it’s been. But to look at what God has brought us through those hard times. My boys are always going to look back at these times, and see so much more to life because we did struggle and suffer. God is so good, and I am so grateful for these moments of teachings he has shown us.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all!
With love,
The Fosters
I had all my boys pack their own bags. I just told them what they needed. I couldn’t even check their bags because I was feeling so bad at the time of packing. So I just hoped for the best!🙏We did pretty well considering.. let’s see Luke brought a long sleeve hooded shirt as his sweatshirt that was not warm enough that I asked him to pack, and forgot his toothbrush, Owen doesn’t have any jeans that fit him so he brought Cotton only pants that got soaked and had to be placed by the fire multiple times during the day to dry😆 I forgot a brush so my hair and Reed’s hair was pretty tangly all weekend(thank God for beanies) and we brought Zero snow gear like boots and gloves. Thankfully we could by some gloves in town for them. Frozen Digorno pizza for dinner and some snacks that dad had brought for during the day. Breakfast and lunch in town. Planning for meals and even preparing is just not in the cards for my body anymore. But we survived! And all that energy I had used to get us there and anxiety I went through was totally worth it. The reality that you don’t see in the pics and video is I was pretty much couch ridden the whole weekend by the fire because of the pain and how sick I was feeling. My kids know the routine though for me. I push myself when I can for the things that I don’t want to miss like their joy and laughter and I document(video and pictures galore!) so I don’t miss it.
This disease has brought so much darkness and so much suffering for our family. But in that I was able to see the light and good through it and it was a perfect opportunity to use this as a teaching moment for my oldest son Owen who is 10. Let me go back a little bit and explain.
During this past year Dan and I have had a hard time finding any good or any joy in anything. My illness just took over all of it. Owen had an amazing baseball season last year and we felt we needed more for him competitively speaking, but we didn’t know where to go. He had tried out for the select team for placentia pony the year prior and as we felt he was definitely skill wise prepared for a jump like that, we deep down knew emotionally he wasn’t, but it still stung when he didn’t make the team. So he went on to play rec and got to be on the same team as his little brother Luke and went on to win the championship with his team! It was so awesome. He had a great growing year. He made the all star team and was playing with older kids. He hadn’t even turned 10 yet and was playing with 10 and 11 year olds during all stars. He mastered the mound and even though he still struggled with his anxiety, confidence and emotions, towards the end of that season he grew and he blew us away with how far he has come!
After the summer all star season ended we knew that we had to find a team that would challenge him but it wasn’t going to be easy because we knew our kiddo was different. As much as he is such a talented baseball player, he came with high emotions and anxiety which at times can be his biggest challenge. We knew we needed a team and a coach that would be ready to take on his big emotions along with his talent. During the summer we usually sign the boys up for FCA (fellowship of Christian athletes) baseball camp. We’ve been doing this camp since Owen and Luke were 5 and 4 years old. But this year we weren’t sure if we could afford it especially now that we had all 3 boys playing and the medical expenses I’ve been having. So we made the decision not to do it. Until my sister in law contacted me and asked if we wanted to do it with her boys, their cousins. They have never done it before and wanted to go to camp with their cousins! We decided we couldn’t pass up that opportunity for them to experience it and signed them up. And thank God we did! Luke got to do camp with his cousins Cody and Caden and they had the best time! I waited for the Esperanza camp to happen for Owen because he was still in All Stars. Well this is where God intervenes and reminds me that he is writing my story and is in control and not me.
Owen and Reed went to the last camp of FCA at Esperanza. I love to stick around during camp and watch the boys do what they do best and learn about God and the Bible and baseball. Plus being there gets me out of bed and out of the house and keeps my mind off of feeling so sick. As I walk back and forth from both kids, I was approached about Owen. Ben from FCA has seen Owen and had asked me what we were planning on doing with him come spring. I couldn’t believe it. We got to talking and that door that we have been waiting for to open for us was open with a bright light shining in it! Could this be what we have been praying for? A couple months went by, and we didn’t want to get our hopes up but kept our faith in God that of it was meant to be it would be. Sure enough Owen was offered a spot on this new travel ball team and not only was it a travel team, it was also a team where his coaches want to build good ball players but most importantly good humans who love others and love Jesus. God is good.
Not only did Owen make a great team, our little Lukey boy who we sometimes compare too often with Owen because they are so close in age but forget that he is much younger in baseball years, made the select team for Orange Olive Pony! We weren’t really expecting to have him try out but we thought let’s give it a try, he is also so very talented just in a tiny body! He was offered a spot right after the second tryout he was invited back for. Dan and I just laughed and were in awe with what we are going to be facing this spring! We love watching our boys play baseball. But we also know I am not in the best of health and that it’s going to be a lot for us. But since when did that ever stop us from giving the best to our boys. They deserve it and I will survive. I will struggle... but I will survive.
So as I try to end this long blog post, where I at first thought I have nothing to write about... ya right, to tell you that through dark times and darkness there is light. Where you feel lost and hopeless, thinking this will never end, there is hope. When you feel like God is lost and he forgot about you, He shows up in BIG ways to tell you He is right here. Keep fighting, keep searching. God is leading you where you need to be, and it’s always going to be exactly where you need to be for your good and for the good of His glory! As I lay here in bed with Owen, I was able to have a talk with him about this journey we’ve been on and how hard it’s been. But to look at what God has brought us through those hard times. My boys are always going to look back at these times, and see so much more to life because we did struggle and suffer. God is so good, and I am so grateful for these moments of teachings he has shown us.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all!
With love,
The Fosters